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Why did we have to make food enjoyable?

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May. 28th, 2014 | 07:38 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

Today has been okay. I'm not feeling overly hungry or like I'm starving myself. Still trying to get used to all that water. I pee ALL THE TIME! I already miss eating delicious, tasty food. When did food become something to be enjoyed rather than just a fuel supply? Why couldn't we just leave it alone being something that gave us the energy we needed to get through the day? Because I LOVE food, and my love of food has landed me this fat suit. You are what you eat. I'm filled with fat. I haven't checked my BMI lately, but I know the last time I checked, it was already in the category of "extreme obesity." I wouldn't doubt that my body is now more than half fat. And that's just depressing.

It makes me sad not to be able to eat whatever I want, but at this point, I'm so miserable in my body that I MUST make a change. Every other part of my life has become less enjoyable, simply because I want to enjoy the food I eat. So, I need to do this and just get over the thoughts in my head telling me that food is supposed to be tasty and fun and great and wonderful and oh so delicious. I've centered too much of my life around food, and I need to change focus.

It's time that I focus on having a healthy body. One that can move like I want it to. One that doesn't leave me so exhausted at the end of a work day (where I sit at a desk the majority of the time). One that isn't so.. cumbersome. One that doesn't disgust me when I look in the mirror. One that is easier to clothe.

That's what this is about. I used to think that it was just in my stars to be a fat person. I've always been overweight. I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't heavier than most of my friends. I couldn't help it. It was just in my genes. But I've seen people that have done it. They have found the healthy person inside and made their appearance match. I want to do that, too. It's still just not fair though how two people can eat the same exact foods and one person will gain weight, and the other person won't gain an ounce.

Nothing worth doing is easy. At least that's what I hear. This isn't easy. But I will do it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about getting skinny. I'm talking about getting healthy! I just want to get some energy back. I want to enjoy being active. I want to be able to walk into just about any clothing store out there and find something that fits. I'm tired of shopping at the fat lady store. I don't know why, but for some reason, fat women aren't supposed to be professionals evidently. Finding a suit that fits and looks good is next to impossible. All the bigger sized clothing looks like old people clothes. Sure, there are some stores out there, like Lane Bryant, that does its best to provide trendy clothes for fat women, but it still is just so limited compared to other options out there for averaged sized people. Guess that's our punishment for being plus sized.. not only do we have to look bad because our bodies are big and bulgy and squishy, but the clothes that we have to wear to cover them up are just.. less than desired. That's my opinion anyways.

Okay. That's enough rambling for now.

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tica

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from: ticasdaze
date: May. 29th, 2014 02:55 am (UTC)
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Ugh...the suit thing irks me to no end! I may be fat but I wanna be a career rock star...gimme a darn suit to match my brilliance! Anyhow, I'm glad so far, so good on the path to a healthier you.

Oh...and welcome back to LJ. :)

Edited at 2014-05-29 02:56 am (UTC)

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niobe

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from: niobe
date: May. 29th, 2014 11:14 am (UTC)
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Thanks!

yeah, the suit thing sucks!

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