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Weekends are most difficult

Jun. 22nd, 2014 | 07:11 pm
mood: crankycranky

Weekends when I'm trying very hard to stick to the program are just plain difficult.  If I'm not running around busy doing things, I'm sitting around at home, wanting to eat.  And when we're out, it's not easy to go to a restaurant and get something that's on the program.  Insane how it's difficult to get just plain meat and veggies at restaurants that aren't slathered in butter or oil.  

It's a constant struggle between wanting to lose weight and be happy in my body and just wanting to eat what I want when I want and not feel guilty about it.

Grrrrr.  That's how I feel.  So cranky today.  

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Going out to a Mexican restaurant on stimulock.. bad idea.

Jun. 20th, 2014 | 07:20 am

Last night my brother-in-law wanted to go out for dinner at a Mexican/Chinese restaurant.  They are in the same building, and you can order from either menu.  Weird, I know.  But anyways, we decided to go eat with them.  It was pretty difficult to figure out what to eat there.  I decided on fajitas and asked for mushrooms in the place of bell peppers.  Of course, I couldn't eat the tortilla, rice, or beans.  I forgot to ask what they cooked the meat and veggies in.  Bad on my part.  Let's just say I won't be going out for dinner again anytime soon.  That was just stressful.  I never thought I would say I'd rather just stay at home for dinner, but here it is:  I'd rather just stay at home for dinner!

Time to get to work.   So glad it's Friday.  

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Oh coffee!

Jun. 18th, 2014 | 07:50 am
mood: tiredtired

Oh coffee, how I miss thee!

I'm having a cup of caffeine free coffee this morning.  For every cup of it I have, I have to drink an extra cup of water.  Frankly, I've had enough water!  I need a bit of flavor.  I miss coffee so much that this caffeine free black cup of coffee is tasting damn good this morning.  

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Back on track

Jun. 17th, 2014 | 08:52 pm
mood: hopefulhopeful

So, I'm done with the antibiotics as of Friday of last week. I had to re-do the load days and start over. I did the load days over the weekend and am now on day 2 of the weight loss phase. Happy to be back to seeing the pounds disappear. :) Fortunately, I didn't gain too much when I went off the snake oil, as my sister calls it. I'm hoping that by tomorrow I'm back to my low weight, but I realize it may take a couple more days to get there.

I'm really motivated this time around. Maybe it's because I have a honeymoon in Jamaica to look forward to at the end of the year. Maybe it's because I'm just tired of being tired!

I'm ready for my clothes to start getting loose and for me to start moving down into a lower size.

In other news, my dress came in! Yay! I'm going to pick it up this weekend, but I'm putting off alterations until later. I'll find out how late I can wait to have it altered and then plan to stay on stimulock until that time. That's the plan.

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Getting better

Jun. 11th, 2014 | 05:03 pm
mood: optimisticoptimistic

So, I'm feeling much better now, and I am almost done taking my antibiotics. Because I was on them for more than 3 days, I have to start over with the stimulock system. I've been working hard to maintain my weight this week so that I'm not put too far behind. I had lost 12 pounds since the start of the stimulock program. Unfortunately, I gained back about 4 pounds, then dropped one pound and am holding steady at a loss of 9 pounds since the start. I'm sure I will gain weight on the re-load days, but I know that should come off quickly. At least I won't be starting where I was last time when I did the load days.

Despite this minor set back, I'm feeling very positive about getting back on the program. Can't wait to discovery my old self again!

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Jun. 6th, 2014 | 06:07 pm
mood: bummed

So, I've come down with an upper respiratory infection. What does that mean? That the drops on the stimulock system are not effective while I'm taking antibiotics over the next 7 days. And 7 days on antibiotics means I have to start over with the two "load days" when I'm done with the meds.

It's a set back, but not a huge one. Still sucks.

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Oh weekends!

Jun. 2nd, 2014 | 07:09 pm
mood: determined

As with any other change in eating habits I have ever tried, the weekends on the stimulock system are just difficult. The goal of stimulock is to eat and take your drops at as close to the same time of day as you can every day. I was pretty busy this weekend, and I wasn't able to take eat on my usual week day schedule. I managed to go out for food twice AND DID NOT CHEAT! I ate only what I was allowed to eat. It took a lot of will power. We went to Outback, which has awesome cheese fries, and Cafe Josephine, which has the best ribeye ever. But I refrained.

Then yesterday I was visiting my family out of town, and my cousin was having a birthday party for one of her sons. Cupcakes with icing piled on top nearly doubling the cupcake's height. I could smell the sugar! But I resisted that as well.

In fact, as much as I wanted to eat a cupcake, I had absolutely no intentions of caving and never once considered it. The most difficult part about it was listening to everyone's comments about the diet. They weren't necessarily being negative, but not exactly supportive either. Oh well though. Hopefully I've explained the diet to just about everyone that would possibly ask me about my eating habits.

My fiance bought a new scale this morning. Seems like everytime we would step on the old one, we'd get a different weight. It was pretty frustrating. I don't know why, but I can't just trust the first number I see. I always have to step on again, just to confirm it was right. This one measure BMI, body fat, and water. I'm all out of whack. I'm really ashamed at just how high my BMI is right now. The goal is to get that into a better range. Hell, I'll be happy with the overweight range instead of the severely obese or even just obese. Long ways to go for that.

Carrying on...

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End of week 1 on the Stimulock System

May. 31st, 2014 | 09:39 am
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

So, I'm down 5 pounds since Day 1 of Stimulock. I initially went up 3.5 pounds after the two loading days, and then down 8.5 pounds since the beginning of the weightloss phase.

5/24/14 SW: 266.5
5/31/14 Current: 261.5

I've also lost 9.5 inches as follows:

Chest (under arms): 1inch
Chest (boobs): 1 inch
Waist 1.5 inches
Hips: 1 inch
Butt: 1 inch
R thigh: 2.5 inches
Left calf: 0.5 inch
Right calf: 1 inch

I took more measurements than that, but those are the ones that went down. I've measured my thighs in 3 areas starting at the top, middle, and then right above the knee. I've measured my calf in two areas, upper calf and lower calf.

Interesting to see how the weight is going to come off unevenly. It would be too convenient for it to be symmetrical loss.

Still encouraging though! I'm wearing pants today that I would not have worn a week ago. They are still a bit snug, but not so snug that I'd be uncomfortable in them.

Yay! :)

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Today is difficult.

May. 30th, 2014 | 07:00 pm
mood: grumpygrumpy

I'm really craving junk food today. I've slacked on my water intake today, so maybe that's why I'm still feeling so unsatisfied with the food I've eaten.

I'm betting tomorrow isn't going to be easy either. I'm going shopping with some of my bridesmaids for dresses. I'm sure we will end up going out for lunch. That isn't going to be easy. I'll have to do my best to estimate my correct portion sizes. And now I'm starting to panic about it. What am I going to eat? I don't know that I'll be able to find food that's not cooked or drenched in butter. Or what seasonings about the seasonings that go on the meat. Sure, I know steamed veggies are usually an option, but meat? Yeah, I just don't know. How will I handle this?

I guess I'll figure it out.

Why is it so easy to gain weight, but so difficult to lose it? Not fair, universe. Just not fair.

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Why did we have to make food enjoyable?

May. 28th, 2014 | 07:38 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

Today has been okay. I'm not feeling overly hungry or like I'm starving myself. Still trying to get used to all that water. I pee ALL THE TIME! I already miss eating delicious, tasty food. When did food become something to be enjoyed rather than just a fuel supply? Why couldn't we just leave it alone being something that gave us the energy we needed to get through the day? Because I LOVE food, and my love of food has landed me this fat suit. You are what you eat. I'm filled with fat. I haven't checked my BMI lately, but I know the last time I checked, it was already in the category of "extreme obesity." I wouldn't doubt that my body is now more than half fat. And that's just depressing.

It makes me sad not to be able to eat whatever I want, but at this point, I'm so miserable in my body that I MUST make a change. Every other part of my life has become less enjoyable, simply because I want to enjoy the food I eat. So, I need to do this and just get over the thoughts in my head telling me that food is supposed to be tasty and fun and great and wonderful and oh so delicious. I've centered too much of my life around food, and I need to change focus.

It's time that I focus on having a healthy body. One that can move like I want it to. One that doesn't leave me so exhausted at the end of a work day (where I sit at a desk the majority of the time). One that isn't so.. cumbersome. One that doesn't disgust me when I look in the mirror. One that is easier to clothe.

That's what this is about. I used to think that it was just in my stars to be a fat person. I've always been overweight. I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't heavier than most of my friends. I couldn't help it. It was just in my genes. But I've seen people that have done it. They have found the healthy person inside and made their appearance match. I want to do that, too. It's still just not fair though how two people can eat the same exact foods and one person will gain weight, and the other person won't gain an ounce.

Nothing worth doing is easy. At least that's what I hear. This isn't easy. But I will do it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about getting skinny. I'm talking about getting healthy! I just want to get some energy back. I want to enjoy being active. I want to be able to walk into just about any clothing store out there and find something that fits. I'm tired of shopping at the fat lady store. I don't know why, but for some reason, fat women aren't supposed to be professionals evidently. Finding a suit that fits and looks good is next to impossible. All the bigger sized clothing looks like old people clothes. Sure, there are some stores out there, like Lane Bryant, that does its best to provide trendy clothes for fat women, but it still is just so limited compared to other options out there for averaged sized people. Guess that's our punishment for being plus sized.. not only do we have to look bad because our bodies are big and bulgy and squishy, but the clothes that we have to wear to cover them up are just.. less than desired. That's my opinion anyways.

Okay. That's enough rambling for now.

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